Monday, April 13, 2009

Why won't my wife have sex with me? Ladies help especially.?

I%26#039;ve been with my wife for 13 years. I helped raise her kids, and supported them until they were stable enough to get on thier own. I work 40+, plus help cook, clean, do laundry...she had a job about the first 4 yrs. then went prt. time. She hasn%26#039;t worked in the past 1 1/2, and gripes about money. Our sex life went from 3-5 x%26#039;s /wk. to 1-2, lasting 1hr. or more. Then she had female problems and had to have stuff removed. They gave her hormones. For the past 5 years I have heard every reason in the book for %26quot;NO%26quot;. I%26#039;ve respected that, but am real tired of it. I have needs too. I even made a special dinner, had wine and candles, flowers, in a chalet for our anniversary and she ate then went to sleep! Last week I found she had a profile on a personals site. What should I try or do. I am ready to walk but hate to throw away 13 years. I also probably wouldn%26#039;t know how to approach a woman in todays dating scene. I need love and guidance.

Why won%26#039;t my wife have sex with me? Ladies help especially.?
You really need to talk to her about it. BE honest and open, tell her exactly what you see is going on and then, If she wants to try to make it work, I would suggest a marriage counselor.
Reply:wild side,

well speaking as a women, ,,, You%26#039;ve just described me and several other of my women friends. Sometimes we just don%26#039;t want or need it. I know you guys do. But we don%26#039;t. We are awful strange individuals.....

Then one day my husband and I had a long talk, we even went to a counselor for a short time. Things got better. We haven%26#039;t had kids at home since 1994....and we are about to purchase our 3rd home this summer....and we both work.......and the last surgery I did have back in 1985,,,, was probably the best thing that ever happened for us.

And now , with no kids at home..... we just enjoy each other when ever and where ever we want too !!! Its fun, its spontaneous, its intermittent....

Be patient, have a sit down heart to heart talk with your wife, let her know your feelings, and lay it out there..... but let her know that its not all about sex. When you%26#039;ve been married 13 years thats a long time, and your right,,,, you probably are not willing to give up on it. I%26#039;m sure you%26#039;ve both shared very special things and events in your 13 years.

Then if that don%26#039;t work for ya, try seeking professional help. Check your local yellow pages for marriage counselors,,, and have a number ready and in your hand before you talk with her.

I feel for ya man, and I do understand.
Reply:Well my friend...your wife is not attracted to you anymore.

You are not a challenge for her anymore, you probably do everything she wants you to do, and at times you may act needy. You may act needy, predictable and you do the same thing as a daily routine....You are acting too much like the girly man.

You need to stir up her emotions and attraction for you.

If you want to stir up her attraction for you again you must do the following:

1. Start dating immediately..Jealousy is a powerful emotion which will draw her attention to you.

2. Start to have hobbies, go out, hang more with your friends. Do not make her the center of your life anymore... at the present time.Enjoy %26amp; live your life.

3. Start to act scarce in her life, stop being so predictable, boring and doing the same monotonous schedule %26amp; activities.

4. Start to be a man...not a wuss and her kiss a_ _ all the time.

If you continue to pursue her, all it will do is to push her further away from you.

I know the above sounds like you will be going in the complete opposite of what you want to do.... But trust me,if you listen and follow the above will draw her level of attraction for you again.
Reply:Perhaps,She have lost confident to herself... After the stuff being removed,I heard it will never gonna be the same again...Even give her plenty of hormones...But,of course she must know her role as a wife to you too.And must think that you have your needs,and can%26#039;t just ignore you and put you aside... You could talk to her and tell her honestly about what you feel and not being happy about it anymore,as It%26#039;s been going on too long....but you must comfort her too,And give her back her confidence nicely,explain your needs,and ask her what are her reasons why she%26#039;s not wanting it...I%26#039;m sure she will gonna tell you....She may have her reasons,but hard to tell you...Must make her confess,than you can work things out together....just try to be more patient,and see how it goes... After you%26#039;ll have your talk with her...than you;s not fair to just walk away from her,without knowing the real truth....
Reply:Hit the gym and start paying more attention to yourself rather than her since it%26#039;s been backfiring on you. Once she sees that your behavior is changing - you%26#039;ll spark her attention. She%26#039;ll start to wonder...why all of a sudden such an interest in the gym? She is just very secure that you%26#039;re there and it%26#039;s easy. If she wants to be intimate (even if you%26#039;re dying to do it), ignore her and tell her that you%26#039;re too tired from your workout. Try it for a month. If she doesn%26#039;t pay attention to this change, then you may want to seek a therapist (even though sometimes their suggestions may not be helpful). The thing about therapists is that you both have to want to go. It can%26#039;t be a one sided thing %26#039;cause you%26#039;d be forcing the other to do something that they just lost all interest in.

Good luck...
Reply:well pardner count your lucky stars... i married a girl who i started to date in Jr. high .. i married her at 26 ... she did not have sex with me on our wedding night .. while all the groomsmen and maids of honor were hooking up that night.. i was forever having to start the action till we had the second child after that nothing... i got so mad that i refused to start the action... after a year of no sex i gave her a dozen roses and told her she was the most nonsexual person i had ever met .. since then nothing... we have been married 33 years... why didn%26#039;t i walk out???? i have seen what break ups do to children.. i could not have that with our children...just for the record ..i always worked ..i gave her my check .. i never hit her ..I%26#039;m not a i bitter?? you ether do as i did and hang in there and stop bitching or get out and find some one who will love you for the person you are and meet your sexual needs... i tried the first path and i advise you to take your on path.... best of luck with a new woman because the wife you have now will not change.....
Reply:you sound like my husband. Since your wife and I are on the same boat I need to clear up a few things - you helped raised %26quot;her%26quot; kids - aren%26#039;t they yours as well? If she had %26quot;female problems and took some stuff out%26quot; how come you don%26#039;t know what it is in particular that she had? Basically I say I%26#039;m in the same boat as your wife because I do have hormonal problems and I lost my libido when they did a total hysterectomy on me. But my husband couldn%26#039;t care less about that and insists its my duty to satisfy him even if I%26#039;m not in the mood for it. Guess where he ended up. You need love and guidance - maybe your wife needs some assurances as well and not only because you need sex. There is such a thing as making love because you love her and not treat her like some sex object you can use when you have a need to satisfy your own needs. Maybe try to study her condition and understand it. to her and find out why she is denying you

2.the website thing is kind of weird and if she is denying at 1st its was normal , she was most likey uncomfortable and had lil self esteem issues but now shes just being mean and the only reason i kno for denying sombody constantly for sex is that she may be seeing another man or women who knows

if all else fail try marrige couseling or swinging
Reply:You%26#039;re going to have to think about all the stuff she repeatedly complained about and address it. If she%26#039;s looking for someone else, it%26#039;s not hormones, she%26#039;s unsatisfied. Confront her about your relationship, not about sex.
Reply:Do you want to get married to me and help me raise my two kids?? ---just playing...but seriously.

sorry you feel this way. Could be a mid-life crisis.

I suggest counseling for the both of you...if you really want it to work.

Maybe she doesn%26#039;t know you feel this way...
Reply:I am sorry. dont get frustrated and take things easy you may be putting to much pressure on her that she can see and may feel your just a horny dog! im not sure though. dont even bring it up or talk about it for like a month and see the reaction!you should love AND BE LOVED!!! good luck. and if you aboslutley needed to you could find love again its not hard in todays world. by personal profile? check it out! its not like a dating site right? good luck again!!!
Reply:truth is she has already left the marriage by posting a pic on a singels site and has probably cheated on u i would move on down the rd
Reply:If it were just medical issues i know it would be hard to justify to yourself that leaving is ok. BUT...if she%26#039;s got an ad on a personals site, sorry man, it ain%26#039;t medical issues. I know all about the 1,000 excuses for not having sex, but when she gives an excuse and posts something on a personals site, you just have to face the fact that for whatever reason she%26#039;s no longer attracted to you. It%26#039;s time to move on and find your own happiness.
Reply:Talk to her about it and explain that u don%26#039;t want to force her but u would like things to go back to normal. My suggest some marriage counselling to her and see if she goes for it. Explain to her that Ur at Ur wits end and feeling like u want to leave and explain how Ur feeling and that u don%26#039;t want to throw away 13 yrs.
Reply:You are the ripe time for these problems to start. Having things removed might have a lot to do with this. Being married for 13 years, some how we get lost. The kids moving out another thing. Now her job for the last 18 years is gone, same thing happened to me. Find something you both enjoy to pull you close again. We bought 2 harleys, go on trips where you just have each other to depend on. A boat maybe,you have to learn each other again. Date her, dont give up yet. What was it about you that caught her the first time?
Reply:Stop being so nice and you will get everything you want. Right now you are just her slave and you get a reward once in a while. Didn%26#039;t you ever wonder why men that treat women like garbage get all the women they want and all the sex they want?

make up

Known her for 3 yrs, Been best friends for 2 yrs, been together for 3 months. No ideas for a romantic date?

Ok so i need help

I%26#039;ve known my best friend for 3 yrs

We%26#039;ve been best of friends for about 2 of the yrs

On 10-24-07 (yea i gotta make sure i remember that date) she stayed the night, and basically had a few drinks and wondered why we were both single lol but seriously, never did i imagine calling her my baby and entrusting her with my love, but after i thought about it, there%26#039;s nobody more perfect than her.

So yeah, i try to do the sweet stuff, flowers at work on our monthly anniversary and her birthday, the whole %26quot;lemme open the door%26quot; type stuff, but i really, really want to do something different.

Our 3 month anniversary is on Jan 24th.. My birthday is Jan 20th.. She keeps talking about doing something special, and i should decide since it%26#039;s my birthday, but i have no idea

From guys and ladies, i%26#039;d appreciate any type of feedback from you, you may think it%26#039;s a silly idea, but to me it could be the perfect date. We live together, so an overnight idea would be preferred


Known her for 3 yrs, Been best friends for 2 yrs, been together for 3 months. No ideas for a romantic date?
a romantic date would be driving to the beach haveing a romantic candelight dinner on the beach with a blaket to keep both you and her warm also theres the idea of strawberries and whip cream. and get a beach house for the weekend. and since it might be cold in january theres always the bed and breakfast idea but im sure whatever you decide to do she will love

make up

Is this normal for a boyfriend to do?

A couple months ago my boyfriend and I had our 2 year anniversary and he didnt get me anything for it. It was a day he had a lot of work and school and he said he didnt have time to get me anything. I made him a really nice sculpture and got him flowers, he didnt even seem that thankful for them. He also completely ignored Valentines Day as well. I made him some cookies and got him a card. He got me nothing, not even a card.

Its not like im asking for much, I dont want any expensive things. I just wanted those special days to be recognized with maybe just some flowers or a card, especially our anniversary.

He said he would make up for them and he never did.

I know he loves me very much and we love spending time together, but why doesnt he recognize these special days even just a little? Is this normal? Are some guys just like this?

Is this normal for a boyfriend to do?
Yeah, some guys are like this. They either:

-Never learned to recognize special occasions at home, so they don%26#039;t put any importance on it.

- They think it is too mushy and they are too manly, or busy, to be mushy.

- They find it wastes their money, so they find reasons not to recognize the occasion.

- They just don%26#039;t really care about special occasions, feeling that how they treat you everyday should be enough.

I think he does this out of ignorance more than lack of feeling. You should still recognize the holiday/occasion and keep encouraging him to reciprocate, he needs to learn how to recognize special occasions and use those times to show his girlfriend that he cares, that is what it is all about.
Reply:Some guys are just like that. You get what you put up with.
Reply:i know a bunch of guys like that.

try talking to him and explaining why those days mean so much to you and that you would really like him to acknowledge them.

skin disease

Boyfriend troubles?


Boyfriend troubles?
I%26#039;d say both. First leave him for his best friend. But then continue to sleep with him on the side. THEN tell him you%26#039;re pregnant and that you%26#039;re sure it%26#039;s his. You will have him trapped and get whatever you want.
Reply:Don%26#039;t tell him you%26#039;re pregnant. That%26#039;s not a cool thing to lie about. Just dump his cheap ***!
Reply:okay, well if your in the relationship just for material things then leave him. getting things is nice but don%26#039;t expect anything. and dont pretend your pregnant, because when he finds out its not true your going to be the one looking crazy and stupid to everyone else. it will turn other guys off.
Reply:Girl, be GLAD he gives you ANYTHING at least he is thinking of you. It%26#039;s in these cases where %26quot;It%26#039;s the thought that counts%26quot;. There are many men who wont give you a hug or say %26quot;Happy Anniversary%26quot; or %26quot;Happy Birthday%26quot;. So be happy with what you get.


This is for the ladies//Anniv. Which is better? HELP!?

It%26#039;s our 16th wedding Anniversary. Which is better? Having flowers delivered by the florist? Or me delivering them personally to the office? I need to know tonight please...

This is for the ladies//Anniv. Which is better? HELP!?
ohh how sweet ur are! I would love it if u got them delivered to my office (so everyone could see how damn sweet u are) and then U unexpectedly show up with a bite to eat or something sweet..maybe chocolate cov.strawberries!! And a simple card! Make it extra sweet tho! And happy anniversary!!!!!!!!! HOPE I MAKE IT TO my 16th!! WHOO HOOO!!!
Reply:I%26#039;d say both. Have a nice bouquet delivered and then greet her with a single long stem rose or an single stem of her favorite flower when she gets off work and escort her to whatever else you have planned for the evening. Whether it be a dinner for two or a pampering bath (with all its amenities) when you get her home.

congratulations on 16 years! WHOOP
Reply:As a lady, it doesn%26#039;t really matter who delivers them, but deliver them to work, so all her co-workers can be jealous of what a romantic husband she has!
Reply:The florist because there%26#039;s a frenzy when flowers get delivered. Everyone rushes around to see who they are for, then the lucky lady just smiles and shows them off - everyone else thinks she%26#039;s the luckiest lady in the world because they didn%26#039;t get the flowers. I have received many bouquets, trust me on this. She will love it - especially if she has no clue. Happy Anniversary!!
Reply:Well if you deliver them during luch or when she has her break..then that would be great if you delivered them yourself so you get a few minutes...and it would be a bigger suprise...

White Teeth

Why did he leave me at now?

I am 28 weeks pregnant and a mother to a 3 year old. On my 4th wedding anniversary my husband bought me flowers and expressed how happy and how much he loved me. He took out to eat and after dinner he dumped me. He told me he was unhappy and he was unsure if he loved me. I am a full time employee working from 230pm to 1030pm, he expected me to be wonder woman. WHY DID HE LEAVE ME? Now am staying at my moms with our son and our unborn child.

Why did he leave me at now?
I don%26#039;t have psychic ability. You know more details than me.
Reply:Sounds like he was hoping to find something at the dinner that he didn%26#039;t really find. Have you asked him why? he might be able to answer it better then anyone here. You need to talk to him and reach out and then go from there.

I wish you the best and sorry to hear of how everything is going now.
Reply:because he is a selfish prick. you sound like a woman who knows what it takes to help support a family. all men should be so lucky. hang in there, the right person will come along.
Reply:That%26#039;s where you went wrong in thinking he expects you to be wonder woman. All men expect that in us because in a way we are like wonder woman. In my home i saw my mother do everything from washing the clothes and ironing and cleaning the house to making our supper and doing the dishes. She worked 40 hours a week and came home to a house full of young kids 7 to be exact and 5 of us were 10 months apart plus she took care of my fathers needs. I learned very young how to do 5 things at the same time. So you see we are like wonder woman because that is what men are use to seeing in women and to tell you the truth i wouldn%26#039;t know how to be anything less then a woman who does everything from working out side the home to taking care of my son to taking care of my home. I do everything my mother did and i have her to thank for showing me how to do that and to take care of my husband at the same time. I guess you could say my mother taught me what is called old school way. It sounds like your husbands mother was like me or my mother who does everything in the home. If he saw this he is wondering why you can%26#039;t be like his mother, any i right? It is very unfair for women to do everything while the man works comes home and just lays on the couch with remote in hand. And just because that was the way i was taught doesn%26#039;t mean it was right. My son is 26 now and I taught him how to respect women and not to expect his wife to do everything just because she is a woman. Unless we mothers start teaching our sons to respect women and to look at us as their equal and not as their own personal slave like i was taught it won%26#039;t stop.

I%26#039;m sorry to go off like i did and I%26#039;m sorry your husband did that to you, your husband sounds like an ahole. He will come around when he get tired of doing what ever it is he is doing they always do.Hang in there remember you are a woman and we women are very strong and tuff when we have to be.
Reply:sorry to hear that are unpredictable creatures, your a strong woman with good values you will move forward with your children...your very blessed to have your mom

best of luck
Reply:Welcome to reality. The second you both said %26quot;I DO%26quot; your loving relationship was over. Marriage destroys relationships!!! Some people realize this in weeks some lie to themselves for years. Don%26#039;t be mad at him or yourself, he just realized it and doesn%26#039;t want to lie anymore. Whatever you do DON%26#039;T EVER GET MARRIED AGAIN if you are in love or you will destroy it!!!
Reply:Sounds like he is irresponsible...

who knows?

maybe he%26#039;s cheating

maybe he%26#039;s addicted to porn

maybe he feels stressed with the new baby coming

Read Divorce Busters immediately.

Call your minister for counseling.

Start building yourself a support group - family, friends, church, etc.

Call an attorney to get a legal separation %26amp; child support for both children.
Reply:Your husband sounds very immature,%26amp; very uncaring...What he did to you was wrong %26amp; no doubt very painful,but trust me....If you do everything you can,to be a responsible,caring parent to these innocent children,%26amp; take care of yourself,one day you%26#039;ll have other opportunities for a better life.There are a few things that you deserve without a doubt,%26amp; they are,kindness,honesty,%26amp; love....BOL

affiliate reviews

Well, do you think I have done enough?

This Friday my wife and I are celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. I have arranged for flowers, chocolates, a Teddy Bear and a card to be presented to her at her workplace. Is this and going out for tea enough? I will probably get into a bit of strife for %26quot;wasting%26quot; money but what the heck. Ten years, not too bad for a %26quot;bald, fat and not so old%26quot; guy married to a Filipina. I thought I would add the last sentence before anyone else did and just to prove that it can work out.

Well, do you think I have done enough?
Wow! Big Chuck congrats.. I think you%26#039;ve done more than enough.. but I think you need to lose the Teddy Bear... just my thought.

Love moves... Report It

Reply:Just do it Big Chuck and congrats! I%26#039;d better start thinking about that myself. In September my wonderful Filipina wife and I will have been married 8 years.
Reply:congrats man.

I think thats a fine 10 year celebration

Way to go
Reply:if you really love her chuck, it is not a waste. but if it is all for show, it is a waste!

will be celebrating my 10th this december too. i just hope my inlaws don%26#039;t come back from the US so we can have some peace and quiet:)

but you are right on the money with flowers and chocolate but the teddy? she must be really young then huh. music by candle light? wish i could match what you have planned!

Reply:congratulations to both of you. enjoy your big day. smile....
Reply:I agree, cancel tea and take her somewhere really romantic for dinner.. Somewhere you know she will enjoy!

Congratulations and Have fun!

Bcn_mimosa from Barcelona, Spain
Reply:that%26#039;s very nice romantic %26amp; loving so congratulations to you %26amp; enjoy your evening %26amp; its more than enough :)
Reply:I think she would be thrilled.You have thought abt it.Be it dinner or have made it special.

She might show that she is upset abt the money, but internally she will be excited that her %26#039;bald%26#039; %26#039;fat%26#039; and %26#039;not so old%26#039; husband is still a romatic !!

Happy Anniversry.
Reply:Yeah, it sounds great! Happy anniversary.

Don%26#039;t forget to take her out to her favorite restaurant.
Reply:Loving her daily is a fabulous gift from you.

Bravo Big Chuck! Congratulations you both of you.
Reply:Happy tenth Mr.%26amp; Mrs. Big Chuck! And maybe a move ?
Reply:congratulations! do you have a single brother?
Reply:I would cancel the tea and go out for a romantic dinner instead. Everything else is good.
Reply:congratulations! but maybe the girls can answer that...
Reply:Excellent planning, Chuck %26#039;ole boy!!! Congratulations! Long may you love. MABUHAY!
Reply:aww, how sweet of you, big man!!! lucky wife...luckier you!

mike joins me in wishing you and the wife %26quot;happy 10th anniversary%26quot;!

**yes, it%26#039;s the real me
Reply:hey Chuck congratulations!!!! You%26#039;re so sweet only the thought of sending flowers that would surprise her in her workplace is very romantic! I think every woman loves surprises and flowers. Yes you can complete your big day dining in a restaurant for dinner.
Reply:hey, that is so sweet. to get flowers from your spouse at your worplace is great...
Reply:that is so sweet. . . dinner would be more romantic... candlelight... and after dessert you can give her a beautiful simple necklace or ring or you can ask her to dance with you in a very sweet song that reminds both of you what you%26#039;ve been through
Reply:How romantic of you, Big Chuck! Congratulations. Cheers! %26lt;*-*%26gt;
Reply:Congratulations, Big C! but i can%26#039;t help notice the message underlying that question of yours? is it for _ _LL ? sayaw Kikay (translated: dance Kikay).
Reply:CONGRATULATIONS! She deserve the love, care, and understanding.
Reply:Congratulations mate. Keep the fire burning in your hearts.
Reply:congratulations and best wishes to you and your wife.
Reply:cool.....congratulations from sherrylani %26amp; me

I think 10th anniversary%26#039;s aluminum - maybe a beer for you after dinner (kidding)!

Congrats Big Chuck!
Reply:just the thought youre giving time to make her happy is more than enough,no material thing can quantify with a loving husband.your wife is lucky to be blessed with a husband like you...keep the fire burning and stay true to your marital vows.congratulations!!
Reply:girls are such a sucker for flowers and chocolates (I know cuz I am one), but what about making something extra special and out of the ordinary?? do u know how to cook?? filipinas (or every woman for that matter) can really appreciate some things like that, try to prepare a special dinner (that´s if u know how to cook),cook her favorite food and then try to redecorate (temporarily) your crib for the special event, she would really melt with your efforts and probably give u rewards later!!^^

Goodluck and Congratz!!
Reply:You can go overboard and still it%26#039;s never enough for the love of your life. But you%26#039;re doing just fine, old man (and I do say that with much love and respect). Congratulations!

Might I suggest that when you kiss her that morning, do whisper this to her %26quot;stick with me, honey, the best is yet to come.%26quot;
Reply:YES...and then some...congratulations, chuckie!